Wishing for acceptance
This is actually an old issue from this past Christmas.
By the one or two references I've made in previous posts and some of the links in my "other" section, and especially if you know me well enough, it's probably apparent that I'm a Pagan. I can tell that my mom, however, doesn't quite approve of it. I don't have anything against her disapproval, it is after all her opinion. I just don't like how she keeps it from me.
There was one time when the topic came up and she said "You don't believe in Jesus? But we're a Christian family! How can you celebrate Christmas with us?" but left it at that. Great. I'm being treated like a rebellious family-seperatist I thought. I hoped with all my heart that nothing controversial would happen on Christmas. Luckily, the closest anyone came to questioning my beliefs was my Aunt asked me if the pentagram pendant I was wearing was a Celtic symbol.
The other time it came up was when we were making holiday cookies.
[off-topic]
Yes, I called it "holiday". I don't know why so many Christians get so uptight when the time between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day is called the holidays. It's not like it's one specific day. If I or another person wishes "happy holidays" to someone and they retort with "No, it's Christmas Come on, people" (actual quote from someone in my family) I'd take that as an insult to my sincerity. "Fine, may your holidays be unhappy, you ungrateful antisecularist" is what comes to mind when I want to respond. If they don't want me to wish them happiness for the rest of the year and instead want only one holiday to be acknowledged, then Blessed Yule to them all. Ugh.
[back on topic]
Anyway, I made a circle-shaped cookie and drew a pentagram on it. My mom didn't see, but my stepdad did when they came out of the oven. "Oh, you... drew a pentagram on here," he said in a "you ruined the cookie" tone of voice, "are you Pagan?" When I told him I was, his tone changed to a more interested one. "Ah. Have you done any rituals yet?" I told him no (a lie, I've done 5; one for every solstice and equinox in 2005, plus Lughnasadh.) My mom started huffing like she does when she's upset. My stepdad thought it was because she felt rushed to get the cookies done, but I think I know why she was upset. She didn't approve of my Paganism. Later that day, I could hear her bawling her eyes out in the shower. It was heart-wrenching. To think that being myself made my mom cry. I hope to all the powers out there that she was just frazzled because of the rush to get cookies done. I couldn't live knowing that I was the cause of her desperate crying.
All I ask is that she open her thoughts up to me. Tell me what she truly thinks about my religious choice. I'd come to her myself, but I don't want her to think I'm seeing if I'm rebellious enough. I don't care if she doesn't like my choice one bit, that's her opinion. I just need her to be open and honest with me.
By the one or two references I've made in previous posts and some of the links in my "other" section, and especially if you know me well enough, it's probably apparent that I'm a Pagan. I can tell that my mom, however, doesn't quite approve of it. I don't have anything against her disapproval, it is after all her opinion. I just don't like how she keeps it from me.
There was one time when the topic came up and she said "You don't believe in Jesus? But we're a Christian family! How can you celebrate Christmas with us?" but left it at that. Great. I'm being treated like a rebellious family-seperatist I thought. I hoped with all my heart that nothing controversial would happen on Christmas. Luckily, the closest anyone came to questioning my beliefs was my Aunt asked me if the pentagram pendant I was wearing was a Celtic symbol.
The other time it came up was when we were making holiday cookies.
[off-topic]
Yes, I called it "holiday". I don't know why so many Christians get so uptight when the time between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day is called the holidays. It's not like it's one specific day. If I or another person wishes "happy holidays" to someone and they retort with "No, it's Christmas Come on, people" (actual quote from someone in my family) I'd take that as an insult to my sincerity. "Fine, may your holidays be unhappy, you ungrateful antisecularist" is what comes to mind when I want to respond. If they don't want me to wish them happiness for the rest of the year and instead want only one holiday to be acknowledged, then Blessed Yule to them all. Ugh.
[back on topic]
Anyway, I made a circle-shaped cookie and drew a pentagram on it. My mom didn't see, but my stepdad did when they came out of the oven. "Oh, you... drew a pentagram on here," he said in a "you ruined the cookie" tone of voice, "are you Pagan?" When I told him I was, his tone changed to a more interested one. "Ah. Have you done any rituals yet?" I told him no (a lie, I've done 5; one for every solstice and equinox in 2005, plus Lughnasadh.) My mom started huffing like she does when she's upset. My stepdad thought it was because she felt rushed to get the cookies done, but I think I know why she was upset. She didn't approve of my Paganism. Later that day, I could hear her bawling her eyes out in the shower. It was heart-wrenching. To think that being myself made my mom cry. I hope to all the powers out there that she was just frazzled because of the rush to get cookies done. I couldn't live knowing that I was the cause of her desperate crying.
All I ask is that she open her thoughts up to me. Tell me what she truly thinks about my religious choice. I'd come to her myself, but I don't want her to think I'm seeing if I'm rebellious enough. I don't care if she doesn't like my choice one bit, that's her opinion. I just need her to be open and honest with me.
posted by Artifex at 2:49 PM
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